What does it mean when the Easter Bunny arrives one day late with melted candy?

What does it mean when the Easter Bunny arrives one day late with melted candy?
He probably had a bad hare day.
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How does a rabbit make gold soup?
He begins with 24 carrots.
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What do you get when you pour boiling hot water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.
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Why did God make only one Yogi Bear?
Because when he tried to make a second one he made a boo-boo.
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What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
Give him a tight jersey.
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Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor
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Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.
The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and out number them?"

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There was a hound dog laying in the yard. An old man in overalls was sitting on the porch.
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked.
The old man replied, "Nope."
So the tourist stepped out of his car. The dog ran over snarling and growling and bit him on his arms and legs. As the dog was dragging him away the tourist was flailing around in the dust and yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man replied, "Ain't my dog."

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A donkey had an IQ of 186.
He had no friends at all though. Even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass.
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Why did the Chicken cross the road?
To show the Armadillo it could be done.
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How do you tell the difference between a cow and a bull?
Milk them both. The one that smiles is the bull.
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An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.
The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
"Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
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A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

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A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves. "What are you doing in there?" she asked.

The rabbit replied: "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" to which the lady replied, "Yes."

"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."

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A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the ch

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.
"Great idea!" the chicken cried.
"Let's offer them ham and eggs?"
"Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."
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A cat was running wildly down alleys, up fire escapes, down cellars and what-not. A neighbor knew whose cat it was and reported it. "Your cat is running around like mad."
"I know," answered the owner. "He's just been sterilized and he is canceling engagements."
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Doctor, Doctor, I tend to flush a lot!
Don’t worry it’s just a chain reaction
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Why was the centipede dropped from the football team?
He took too long to put his boots on!
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What do whales eat?
Fish & ships
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Why did the boy go to bed?
‘Cos the bed wouldn’t come to him!
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What is a parrot’s favourite game?
Hide and speak!
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Why did the dog chase his own tail?
He was trying to make both ends meet!
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Why was the tomato last in the race?
It couldn’t ketchup!
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Why did the tap dancer retire?
He kept falling in the sink!
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Which word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly?
Incorrectly!
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What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish!
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What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant!
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What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater!
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How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
Pleased to eat you
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What do cats read in the morning?
Mewspapers
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What do you call a cat wearing shoes?
Puss in boots
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What does a bee get at McDonalds?
A humburger!
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What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea?
A bee in a submarine!
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What did the spider say to the bee?
Your honey or your life!
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What did one bee say to another in summer?
Swarm here isn’t it!
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Where do bees go on holiday?
Stingapore!
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Why did the turtle cross the road
To get to the Shell station
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What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics
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What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An egg roll!
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What kind of dog chases anything red?
A Bull dog!
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What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiler?
A computer with lots of bites
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What dog loves to take a bubble bath?
A Shampoodle!
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Why do elephants eat raw food?
Because they don’t know how to cook!
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What’s grey with red spots
An elephant with measles
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What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
Lost!
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Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in the cherry tree!
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What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia! Boing Boing
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What do you call an arctic cow?
An eskimoo!
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What is a cow’s favourite TV show?
Dr. Moo!
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What goes ‘peck, bank, bang, peck, bank’?
A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons!
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What fish only swims at night?
A starfish!
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What kind of fish goes well with ice-cream?
Jellyfish!
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Why is a fish easy to weigh?
Because it has its own scales!
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Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear?
Because they have electric ‘eels!
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What insect runs away from everything?
A Flee!
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How do you start an insect race?
One, two, flea – go!
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How doe fleas travel?
Itch hiking!
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What is a grasshopper!
An insect on a pogo stick
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What is green and can jump a mile in a minute?
A grasshopper with hiccups!
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What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?
Chimney Cricket!
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What do moths learn at school?
Mothmatics!
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-Doctor, Doctor, I tend to flush a lot! Don’t worry it’s just a chain reaction

-Why was the centipede dropped from the football team?
He took too long to put his boots on!

What do whales eat?
Fish & ships

Why did the boy go to bed?
‘Cos the bed wouldn’t come to him!

What is a parrot’s favourite game?
Hide and speak!

Why did the dog chase his own tail?
He was trying to make both ends meet!

Why was the tomato last in the race?
It couldn’t ketchup!

Why did the tap dancer retire?
He kept falling in the sink!

Which word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly?
Incorrectly!

What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish!

What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant!

What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater!

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
Pleased to eat you

What do cats read in the morning?
Mewspapers

What do you call a cat wearing shoes?
Puss in boots

What does a bee get at McDonalds?
A humburger!

What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea?
A bee in a submarine!

What did the spider say to the bee?
Your honey or your life!

What did one bee say to another in summer?
Swarm here isn’t it!

Where do bees go on holiday?
Stingapore!

Why did the turtle cross the road
To get to the Shell station

What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An egg roll!

What kind of dog chases anything red?
A Bull dog!

What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiler?
A computer with lots of bites

What dog loves to take a bubble bath?
A Shampoodle!

Why do elephants eat raw food?
Because they don’t know how to cook!

What’s grey with red spots
An elephant with measles

What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
Lost!

Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in the cherry tree!

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia! Boing Boing

What do you call an arctic cow?
An eskimoo!

What is a cow’s favourite TV show?
Dr. Moo!

What goes ‘peck, bank, bang, peck, bank’?
A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons!

What fish only swims at night?
A starfish!

What kind of fish goes well with ice-cream?
Jellyfish!

Why is a fish easy to weigh?
Because it has its own scales!

Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear?
Because they have electric ‘eels!

What insect runs away from everything?
A Flee!

How do you start an insect race?
One, two, flea – go!

How do fleas travel?
Itch hiking!

What is a grasshopper!
An insect on a pogo stick

What is green and can jump a mile in a minute?
A grasshopper with hiccups!

What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?
Chimney Cricket!

What do moths learn at school?
Mothmatics!

What are crisp, like milk and go ‘eek, eek, eek’ when you eat them?
Mice krispies!

What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?
A Mouseketeer!

What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer?
Mice cubes!

What do mice do when they’re at home?
Mousework!

What’s a frogs favourite game?
It’s croak-et!

What’s a frogs favourite flower?
A croakus!

What did the bus conductor say to the frog?
Hop on!

What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole!

What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?
Lily!

What do Scottish toads play?
Hop-scotch!

How do snails get their shells so shiny?
They use snail varnish!

Why is the snail the strongest animal?
Because he carries a house on his back!

What do you call a big Irish spider?
Paddy long legs?

What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall!

Why did the sparrow go to the library?
It was looking for bookworms!

Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil till I get there!

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a bell
Take these, and if it doesn’t help give me a ring!

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep.
That’s baaaaaaaaaaaad!

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a bee.
Well buzz off I’m busy!

Doctor, Doctor I feel like an apple
We must get to the core of this!

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a snail
Don’t worry we’ll soon have you out of your shell!

What kind of food do maths teachers eat?
Square meals!

What do Gnomes do after school?
Gnomework!

How did your mum know you hadn’t washed your face?
I forgot to wet the soap!

Where do tadpoles change?
in a croakroom!

Why are goldfish red?
The water turns them rusty!

What is the best hand to write with?
Neither – it’s best to write with a pen!

What does Mini mum meant?
A very small mum!

What kind of biscuit would you find at the South Pole?
A penguin!

Where do snowmen go to dance?
A snowball

Why did the burglar take a shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway

Why do polar bears have fur coats?
Because they would look silly in anoraks!

What is the one word a dog can say?
Bark

Knock, Knock Who’s there?
Boo / Boo Who? / Don’t cry its only a joke!

Why did the computer go to the doctors?
Because it had a virus!

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!

What happened when the dog swallowed a firefly?
It barked with de-light!

Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk!

What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
Ouch!

What did one fish say to the other?
You keep your mouth closed and you won’t get caught!

Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools!

What colour is a burp?
Burple!

What is black and white, white and black, black and white?
A zebra caught in a revolving door!

Why did the cook get arrested?
Because he beat up an egg.

What did the blanket say to the bed?
You are under cover!

What’s a snake’s favourite subject?
Hisssss – tory

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?
Because he had no ‘body’ to go with!

What do you call a nervous celery stalk?
An edgy veggie!

What’s black and white and red all over?
A penguin with a rash!

What did the mayonnaise say to the fridge door?
Close the door, I’m dressing!

What are the best days in ‘Foodland’
Fry-days and Sundaes!

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!

Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze

What did the hedgehog say to the cactus?
Is that your mummy?

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!

What’s brown and sticky?
A stick

What dog keeps the best time?
A watch dog!

What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
It let out a little wine!

Why did the tomato turn red?
It saw the salad dressing!

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little ‘boogey’ in it!

What did the water say to the boat?
Nothing, it just waved.

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Dam!

What has 4 legs but can’t walk?
A table!

What did the ground say to the earthquake?
You crack me up.

What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck
Milk and quackers!

Why did the elephant eat the candle?
He wanted a light snack!

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 789!

Why did the biscuit go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy!

How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses!

What tests to witches have to pass?
Spell-ing tests!

Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Why is basketball such a messy sport?
Because you dribble on the floor!

What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
Spring time

What happens to cows during an earthquake?
They give milk shakes!

Where do cows go on holiday?
Moo York

What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A bed

Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
To get a tweetment

What do you call a cow eating grass in a paddock?
A lawn mooer

What gets bigger and bigger the more you take away from it?
A hole.

Why did the traffic light turn red?
You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.

What did one lift say to the other lift?
I think I’m coming down with something.

What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
Hi Cliff!

Why should you take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains.

What kind of button won’t unbutton?
A bellybutton.

What are two things you cannot have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner.

What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
Sneakers.

What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner.

What did the alien say to the garden?
Take me to your weeder.

How do footballers keep cool?
Sit next to their fans

What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.

Why was the maths book so sad?
Because it was full of problems.

How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.

What do you do with a blue whale?
Try to cheer him up.

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut
To the Baa Baa shop.

Why can’t a leopard hide?
Because he’s always spotted.

What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.

What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A sour puss.

Why does a hummingbird hum?
Because it doesn’t know the words.

Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of school.

What’s invisible and smells like carrots?
Bunny farts.

What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
A water bed.

Why was the broom late?
It over swept

What do you get when you put a fish and an elephant together? Swimming trunks

What goes up when the rains comes down?
An umbrella

What did the big chimney say to the small chimney?
You are too little to smoke.

What do you call a doctor with 8 arms?
A Doctorpus

Why did the belt go to jail?
Because it held up a pair of pants

What did the stamp say to the envelope?
Stick with me and we’ll go places

What do computers do when they are hungry?
They eat chips.

What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers

Why did the balloon burst?
Because it saw a lolly pop

What flower grows on your face?
Tu-lips

What is a computers favourite dance?
Disk-o

Why did the computer squeak?
Because someone stepped on its mouse

Why do cows have bells?
Because their horns don’t work

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the leg of the chicken.

What did one egg say to the other egg?
Lets get cracking.

What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jellybutton

What do you get if you cross a Cocker Spaniel with a Poodle and a rooster?
A cockapoodledoo

What to you call a pig with 3 eyes?
A Piiig

Where to mermaids go to see movies?
A dive-in

What goes ‘tick, tick, woof, woof’
A watchdog

What did the digital watch say to the grandfather clock?
Look pop…. No hands

Why are pianos hard to open?
They keys are inside

What’s green and loud?
A froghorn

What’s a hedgehogs favourite food?
Prickled onions

What do you call a blind dinosaur?
I-don’t-think-he-saurus

What do pigs put on sore trotters?
Oinkment

What does a bee use to brush his hair?
A honeycomb

What do you get when you cross a cow with a rabbit?
Hair in your milk

Why couldn’t the flower ride his bike?
Because he lost his petals

What’s black and white and red all over?
A zebra with a sunburn

What did one plate say to the other?
Lunch is on me.

Why cant a bike stand up for itself?
Because it’s two tired.

What kind of coat goes on wet and never has buttons?
A coat of paint

What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-Cola

What has four legs and goes “oom-oom”?
A cow walking backwards3

Where is the best place to have a bubble gum contents?
On a Choo-Choo train

What’s full of holes and still holds water?
A sponge

What do you call someone that keeps talking when no-one is listening? A teacher

What did the mud say when it started to rain?
If this keeps up, my name is going to be mud.

What do you take off last before getting into bed?
Your feet off the floor

What did the chewing gum say to the shoe?
I’m stuck on you

What do you call a fairy who hasn’t taken a bath?
Stinkerbell

What do you call a scared dinosaur
A nervous-rex

Who granted the fish’s wish?
Fairy Cod-mother

What games do cows play at parties?
Moosical chairs